the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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