your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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