so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
