1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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