When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Do vagina's smell?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
