I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
