I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
