i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I didn't shave. On purpose
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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