a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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