we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Watching her eat just hurts me
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize