i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
