I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
