Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize