sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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