Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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