There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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