I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
