i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
