Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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