so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
