whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
