did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
