I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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