you didnt know i had herpes?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Randomize