Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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