Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
