i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
