Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize