I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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