he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
