your thong is hanging out like whoa
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
