I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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