I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
