when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
