i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
