Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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