They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
