he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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