pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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