You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
