Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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