first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
