Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
