btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
