hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
