I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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