someone get that fucking seahorse.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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