I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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