Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
