Sponge bath it is.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
