she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
