Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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