I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
