My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
