woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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