Swine flu. Run for my life!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
