you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
