who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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