So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
