I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
