is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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