Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
