So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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