I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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