lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
