if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just googled if crying burns calories
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
