his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize