I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think my nap took me to another dimension
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
