I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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