After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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