don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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