my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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